We all know that timing is everything, and this held true for me this week when I stumbled upon this Pick It or Flick It.
Apparently there is a cable television network called Fit-TV. I guess it's a soy nuts and bean curd exercise and healthy living kind of thing. Whatever. What's important is what I discovered on this channel while surfing into the triple digits on my cable box.
My first thought was I accidentally strayed into the DMZ of pay per view land and, for a moment, I began concocting an explanation for why this showed up on the cable bill under adult entertainment, but au contraire mon frere. This was not pay per view. This was "Shimmy."
"Shimmy" is actually a twenty six episode series that demonstrates, in great detail, the art of Belly Dance. "Shimmy" features a cast of absolutely stunning women, all professional belly dancers with resumes that read like a...well, to be honest, I really don't give a shimmy about their resumes. That's like asking for references before a lap dance. It's just not that important. What is important is that for 30 minutes you are treated to non-stop belly dancing by scantly clad beautiful women. The mood is relaxed. The sound is calming. No Billy Mays squat counts here. And the contrasts between background scenery and the dancers keeps your focus right where it should be...in the gutter. Plus, you don't need a pocket full of singles.
"Shimmy" is also safe to watch at home, depending on your wife or significant other. You can feign interest in the art of the belly dance, or the amazing musculoskeletal abilities of the artiste, all while feeding your inherent swine.
The "Shimmy" website claims there are health benefits to belly dancing as a form of exercise. I'm not really sure what that means, but I do recommend enjoying "Shimmy" with an ice cold beer and a bag of cheezy puffs. And keep an eye out for dancer Gillian. She's an El Freako favorite!
Ashley "Da Byrdman" Byrd
Again, congratulations and good luck to our new fantasy football team owners!
Many thanks to them and everyone else who entered via email after listening to Blowin' Smoke #91. Special thanks to Pedro Gonzalez of Don Gonzalez Cigars for having some fun with us as the Don Gonzalez Cigars League Commissioner.
Check back here and keep listening to the Blowin' Smoke Podcast throughout the football season to see how everyone does and who will be the big winner at the end of the season. Plus more fun with Don Gonzalez Cigars!
Wondering what happened to summer in the 'Burgh, it's Blowin' Smoke #92.
Gather 'round while we break in a new Cretin. Welcome, Lou! The Cigar of the Day was the new Perdomo Grand Cru Corojo Toro, and while the Cretins took it for a spin, we checked out some listener emails, cigars in the news and more. More, as in smuggling groceries in your pants, reasons you don't get second dates, and watching adult movies at your local Walmart. Those topics with the assistance of our Tweeps on Twitter.
Plus a new Minute with Travis and 5 Things with newbie Cretin Lou doing the honors.
Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair smoking a La Gloria Cubana Wavell, I've been thinking back to the other night when I watched The Biggest Loser
season premiere while eating a piece of cake. While this is one "reality" show I don't mind watching for several reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I could be a contestant, the smartass cynic in me quickly took over. You skinny bastids might not understand.
How much difference would it make to us fat asses if the fast food joints would stop asking us if we would like "something else" with that? I'm all for accepting personal responsibility, but if you are going to put the image of some deep fried starchy thing drizzled in fudge with a ranch dipping sauce in my head, at best I'm going to consider it and at worst I'm going to get a frickin' bucket of it...and another Diet Coke to justify it. Just give me what I ask for and shut the hell up! I'm seeing a smaller pants size right there.
Next, how much difference would it make to us fat asses if we watched ourselves eat? You know. Wire your digital camera to the TV inputs and start the show. I know the mere thought of this makes me want to go on a hunger strike...except with donuts. I'd be less skeeved, maybe even a little confident watching myself eat a salad, but when the double quarter pounder with nougat rolled out along with a bag of Andy Capp Hot Fries, I'd be purging like Britney Spears after a Vegas buffet. Class reunion here I come!
Finally, getting back to The Biggest Loser, given the almost unbelievable circumstances of the contestants and what they have to do, it stands to reason that at one time or another somebody on that show has crapped their pants in the gym. That would be me. How could I possibly handle being turned on by sexy trainer Jillian Michaels while running a treadmill while she spit F-bombs two inches from my sweaty, cigar breath spewing face? I'll tell you how. Crap my pants.
That's got to be good for a pound...give or take, right?
From the Havana Room in scenic western Pennsylvania comes Blowin' Smoke #93!
Once again, along with an ample supply of Torcedor Coffee, the Council of Cretins has assembled for some herfage and good conversation. With the brand new My Father Le Bijou 1922 Petite Robusto as the Cigar of the Day and plenty of input from our tweeps on Twitter, the conversation included protesting the recent G20 summit held in Pittsburgh, Mickey's new weiner, why guys watch dancing and why women have sex, and more. We also have a very special Cigar Match: Rumble in the Bundle going on.
Plus, listener email, a new Minute with Travis and 5 Things.
So, join us! Fire up a fine one and get in there! It's Blowin' Smoke #93!