Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair with a Rocky Patel ITC 10th Anniversary Robusto and a mug of Nicaraguan Torcedor Coffee, I am thinking about boobs.
Yeah. What else is new? But I'm not thinking about boobs in the usual way. This is different.
You may have heard that the Girl Wonder and I recently had a baby boy. If you have ever had a child of your own or visited someone who has in the hospital, chances are you have experienced the lacto-nazis. Every birthing unit of every hospital and most OB/GYN offices have at least one lacto-nazi lurking around at all times. Their job is to befriend, indoctrinate, coerce and convert new and expectant mothers into the world of breast feeding come hell or high water. They prey on young fearful first time mothers who are already questioning their nurturing potential with all the raging hormones coursing through their veins. They sneak up on you, although a trained eye can easily spot them first. They loiter. They wear ID tags, but don't wear scrubs. They wait for that moment of weakness and they pounce! And like that, we guys get a time out and our toys taken away. No boobs! It sucks...literally.
Now let me be very clear. Breast feeding is a wonderful thing. From the bonding between mom and baby to the unmatched health benefits for baby, breast feeding is, hands down, the best. However, it is not the only choice and it is not always a choice for a number of reasons. You new moms and dads need to know that your choice to nurse or not or anything in between is your choice period and no one can or should judge you on your choice whatever it is or is not.
Back to the boobs. For several days, I watched quietly as two high ranking members of the lacto-gestapo worked their magic on the Girl Wonder. They grabbed, held, cupped, squeezed, pinched, tweaked, shook, kneaded, rolled, and jiggled my wife's boobs. And they didn't have to mow the lawn, do the dishes or buy her jewelry! They even hooked her up to pumps, hoses, tubes and gizmos called the Suck-Master 3000 or something. If I came at her with a gadget like that, the Girl Wonder would have me committed.
It was then, as I was being boobie-blocked by the lacto-nazis, that I wondered why I couldn't have a gig like that. Travel the world...play with boobs. I'm perfectly qualified. A quick refresher course and I'd be up to speed on the latest health information on breast feeding. I'm detail oriented. I'm a good listener. I can start immediately. And I love boobs. Why couldn't I do it? Oh, that's right. I'm a guy. That would be weird...or would it?
Armed with a Masters degree in advanced lactation studies, it's Blowin' Smoke #94!
The herfin' is back on track following the arrival of El Freako, Jr. along with a full roundtable of Cretins, and a new Cigar of the Day...the new Rocky Patel 1961 Torpedo. Thanks to our followers on Twitter for helping us choose the new Cigar of the Day for this show.
We announced a new way for you to contact Blowin' Smoke and maybe be a part of the show too. We also checked out some great listener emails, including one with a new way to enjoy the show, and took on a new Minute with Travis and 5 Things. Somehow the conversation, along with input from our Twitter Tweeps, turned a little R rated with talk of the lactation loonies, bikini coffee shops, strict laws against wearing a bra, and brothels that offer discounts for being 'green'. Speaking of coffee, the Cretins were enjoying Torcedor Coffee during the show.
So, join us for the best herf you'll attend this week...Blowin' Smoke #94!
All treats with maybe a couple tricks, it's Blowin' Smoke #95!
LIVE from the Havana Room your Freako along with the Council of Cretins are back with a brand new Cigar of the Day...the new Arturo Fuente Chateau Pyramid. Plus, voicemail from listeners, email too, and plenty of Halloween talk from childhood memories to adults only trick or treating. Thanks to our Tweeps on Twitter for their input!
Also, risky behavior for prostate cancer, best conception behavior, drunken behavior with lawn mowers, and more. Travis shares another Minute with us too, and a listener provided 5 Things for us this time.
It's all right here on Blowin' Smoke #95! Spark one up and join us!