Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair with a Gran Habano 3 Siglos robusto and a mug of Torcedor Coffee Cabinet Blend, I found myself offended. Not at the fact that my son yatched up formula all over my shoulder and down my back, or the fact that my trusty triple flame torch lighter refuses to work in temps below 50 degrees Fahrenheit, but at the fact that everybody else is so easily offended.
Every time you turn around, somebody is whining about being offended. This is the season we see and hear a lot of this infantile garbage with bunches of it focused on Christmas. When did we become such pussies that the expression "Merry Christmas" actually offends someone? A tree offends you? A TV commercial making fun of the mob offends you? Please. Grow a pair and grow up. Live your own life and stop trying to change mine based upon your mental shortcomings.
'Tis the season, though. So, in the spirit of bandwagon bitching, I'd like to take a moment and offer up some of the things that offend ME. Here goes.
Smoking bans. I am, at least I think I am, a free American engaging in a legal activity that is already disproportionately taxed. A legal business, such as a bar or restaurant, should be free to decide what their individual smoking situation should be. It offends me when both individuals and businesses are forced out of choice and into regulation of a legal activity.
Cigars that under-perform. Not cigars that are a personal dislike along subjective lines like taste, strength or appearance, but cigars that are plugged, poorly finished or don't burn well. When I drop a Hamilton or more on one of your cigars and it falls to pieces or I have to fight with it, that offends me. The goal is to relax and enjoy. Make it so. See the pictures below.
Politicians. Everything you do involves taking from someone. Every time you speak, it costs us money. When you can look me in the eye and tell me that a 2000 + page pile of dung is going to save us money, you offend me. Shut up. Do nothing. Get out of our way.
Misguided youth. Just because you graduated from high school or college doesn't mean the world owes you a thing. Be it a six figure salary or health insurance, you are young, inexperienced and stupid. You offend me. Turn off the reality shows, get a job or two and earn your way up.
Windproof lighters that aren't. If the act of lighting a cigar blows out your flame, that isn't windproof and that offends me. I want to hear an F-14 afterburner in my hand when I click.
Finally, holiday sales. Look, Sparky, you're not fooling anybody. It's a Christmas sale. This is the time of the year where you can win or lose, live or die and it's not because of the winter solstice. It's because it's Christmas and people are buying Christmas gifts. When you give in to PC while sticking your hand out to me, that offends me. Christmas or otherwise, call it what it is.
Time for a refill on the coffee. I hope the fabulous Girl Wonder lets me back in. Apparently she was offended by the requests to pull my finger. Typical.
Trying really hard to figure out the naughty vs. nice thing, it's Blowin' Smoke #98!
A big show and a big Cigar of the Day with the Gurkha Dragon Fury taking honors this time, and the Cretins were more than happy to take it for a spin. See what they have to say about this 7 X 50 pleasure stick. Also on Blowin' Smoke #98 is a chance for you to win a signed box of Rocky Patel Vintage 1990 Toro Tubos! Listen to find out how!
Also on board, El Freako's dinner with Rocky, bling for your baby or babies are bling, you decide, discounted sex at the climate summit, and more. Plus a new 5 Things to help you with Christmas shopping, an important nog announcement, and listener emails and voicemails.
The annual post-holiday stress-relieving herf is back! Join us at Allegheny Smokeworks, the home of the Herf n Nog, for an afternoon of good friends, fine cigars, homemade egg nog and a ton of bullshit!
Bring along some food or drinks to share (not required) and some of your own homemade egg nog, if you dare! We'll spend the afternoon eatin', drinkin' and herfin'!
Mike and the gang at Allegheny Smokeworks will have the humidor stuffed, as usual, and some great post-holiday deals too.