With the smell of October leaves and pumpkin beer in the air, the Council of Cretins assembled for Blowin' Smoke #118!
A brand new Cigar of the Day, the new A. Turrent Triple Play Gran Toro was offered up to the cigar gods with thoughts of possibly unseating the seemingly unbeatable Cain F Habano 550 in the Cigar Match: Rumble in the Bundle. Check out how it fared.
The Cretins also sampled a variety of seasonal craft beers...all of them pumpkin ales, while your Freako partook of a PBR as we discussed the panty wastes that anonymously reported the Cincinnati Reds to the state for celebrating victory with a cigar in the clubhouse. Those heathen Reds! We also brought you two token goat stories, the trained ear of a peeping Tom victim, the dollar store flasher and more of the Octomom (pic included - you're welcome). Plus 5 Things for newlywed friends of Blowin' Smoke.
So, grab your jack o' lantern with your good hand and a cigar with the other and join us for Blowin' Smoke #118!
Hence embedded in the divine and righteous mobile Man Chair with the smoke of a Plasencia TKO blowing through the vents of the car behind me, I have become aware of various psychosomatic symptoms that plague my daily commute.
I am a talk radio junkie which means I enjoy a lot of political discussion, debate and thinking. I can handle most of that most of the time. It's the election season campaign ads, however, that have reached critical mass, and lately I am really struggling to maintain control of my bodily functions while this filth ricochets around my cranium. Certain words and phrases have caused (individually or in combination) cramping, nausea, blurred vision, nervous ticks, retching, belching, migraines, whiplash, nose bleeds, Tourette's, dandruff, poor gas mileage, flop sweat, ingrown toenails, projectile vomiting, and more.
Allow me to share with you some of these trigger words and phrases:
Tax Cuts for the Rich - nose bleed
Shovel Ready - belch
Nancy Pelosi - 2 min. Tourette's spell
Saved or Created - whiplash
Wall Street Bailout - nervous tick
Health Care - nausea
Shipping Jobs Overseas - cramps, retching
Harry Reid - loss of bladder control
Working People - blurred vision, cramping
Keys to the Car/Car in Ditch - poor gas mileage, dandruff
Create Jobs - vomit
If you are also suffering from any of these reactive disorders, you're in luck because I have come up with several cures ranging from drastic to casual in their approach.
Cure #1 - Turn the shit off! Yes, this is the most drastic because in order to escape this constant barrage of bullshit, lies and politician slime, you have to go without TV, radio, internet, smart phone, outdoor advertising, direct mail and the occasional knock on the door. If you can live in a cave and poop in a bucket for a month, this option is for you.
Cure #2 - Selective disengagement. This is tough, but not as tough as the hermit method above. Load up the iPod with your favorite tunes and entertaining podcasts and have that fill your ears whenever possible. Make a conscious effort to keep the boob tube off the cable news channels and local and network news programs for a few weeks of detox. Instead, cleanse yourself with sports, Mike Rowe and the MythBusters. Dry off with a few episodes of Shimmy or Destroyed in Seconds.
Cure #3 - LigeroTherapy. I'm too weak to go witness protection and I have to have my talk radio. If you're like me, LigeroTherapy is the way to go. It combines the best parts of Cures #1 & #2 along with an hour or two a day with a fine handmade cigar, choice beverage and the freedom to say whatever pops into your head. It really works too. For example, the first third of my LigeroTherapy appears as a combination of Tourette's, nervous ticks and Nicaraguan corojo. As the cigar is smoked, it devolves, or evolves depending on your perspective, into an aromatic smokey silence disturbed only by the occasional belch from a Pabst Blue Ribbon.
All in favor? All opposed? The yeas have it.
...and that's the way I see it...from The Man Chair.
It's a fall festival of herfage and the Council of Cretins are celebrating in the Havana Room for Blowin' Smoke #119!
Fresh off a disappointing Cigar of the Day on the last episode, the Cretins were ready for new blood, and it came with the name E.P. Carrillo Predilecto. Along with a round of various Oktoberfest beers, the new contender was herfed indeed. Check out what the Cretins had to say.
Ligero Lou handled a new 5 Things and, along with help from our Twitter Tweeps, we talked about Halloween dos and don'ts, who not to call when you buy bad weed, what not to do with a leaf blower, and what brought the pr0n industry to a squealing moaning halt.
So grab some candy corn and a fine cigar for Blowin' Smoke #119!