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From the Man Chair - Kings And Queens And Fools. Oh, My!

Posted: 2011-04-28

  Hence embedded in the divine and righteous Man Chair smoking a Royal Jamaica and sipping some Crown Royal with a Royal Crown Cola thinking all this royal stuff is a royal pain in my ass.

It's everywhere. Infomercials are hocking royal plates, knickknacks and other royally worthless crap. Every major news outlet has sent several crews, producers and big name anchors across the pond to cover this non-event. In doing so, they have now made a royal mistake and made royal asses out of themselves as hundreds of AMERICANS have been killed in strings of severe storms and tornadoes through the southern states. (Pray for these people.) Usually, the networks will send these very same people to disaster locations to get in the way of rescue and clean-up efforts and exploit the victims. Now, however, all their scheduled guests ready to chat about "the royals" are all being pre-empted for coverage of real news about real Americans. Good bloody job!

Personally, the only good thing about this royal wedding is how attractive the bride is and how lucky she is that her royal man looks more like his late mother than his royal buffoon of a father. Beyond that, any amount of "normal" this chick once possessed is fading and soon she will be one of them...the elitist leaches who look down upon their subjects.

The royals produce nothing, yet take everything, demand god-like treatment, and don't seem the least bit embarrassed by it...and the Brits allow it...celebrate it. And the royals are largely powerless. The people continue to support the royals' lifestyle. Huh? I don't get it. Yes, many members of our own governing class are no different, but we can actually vote their asses out. (If only we would more often.) I wouldn't walk across the street to see 99% of our governing elites let alone support a national holiday when one of them gets married. Who gives a royal rat's ass?

The lovely Girl Wonder asked me last night if these folks even wipe their own asses. When you are as disconnected and shielded from the realities of life as an everyday bloke as the royals are, I'm willing to bet that some of them actually have servants to wipe their ass. The royal version of "there's an app for that." What's that? Brushing your teeth is just too tedious? There's a servant for that. Can't be bothered with the TV remote control? There's a servant for that. Foreplay got you down. There's a servant for that.

Maybe all this royal bullshit irritates me so much because I don't think I, or the folks I usually herf with, would tolerate herfing with people like that. I've always said cigars are a great equalizer and I have herfed with people in tax brackets I will only ever dream about, with those who struggle, and many people in between...at the same time. Whatever they have, a little or a lot, they've earned and they respect each other. It doesn't matter in the herf trenches. How can any of these folks relate to a royal who has everything done for them, has everything given to them, yet does nothing to earn any of it? Can you imagine being told at a herf at your local B&M that you must or must not speak to that guy over there a certain way because they are royalty? Imagine me telling them to go f@*# themselves!

Yeah, I get the history thing. But, hey! This is 2011. The Brits have what they want, apparently. And what the Brits want is largely why we're Americans. Your royalty can kiss my ass.

...and that's the way I see it From the Man Chair.

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